Saturday, April 16, 2005

First Day Off

Thought I'd take a few hours off to get out of the house and spoil myself a little. Had a pleasant time shopping and driving around. Found a short cut to Oakland/Somerset Mall and I know the way to Wal-Mart so I'll be able to get out and buy what I need or get out and look at scenes other than my very pleasant apartment when I get to feeling confined.

Building up my perfumes again and should have a full stock by early summer.


Have been of the blog for a few days. Grades are due in and I am distracting myself from completing all of my goals. I did go to the women's meeting and had a good time. Nicole Guevarra, one of my students, did a remarkable job of writing and presenting her writing and I was very delighted to have taken the time out to hear her. In fact, if she's still around next term, I'd like to ask her to present to one of my classes.

Attribution Theory is a new version of an old idea that I'd like to pursue because it may very well fit in with my ideas of psychological affects of language.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Jane Fonda

Recently I've caught interviews with Jane Fonda and feel drawn to what she says. She's promoting her new book -- an autobiography--in which she shares many of the same issues I went through. Her analysis of issues of child molestation is dead on right. I especially like her explanations because I've been dodging the reclamation of my own power. In addition, I never quite figured out the self loathing that frequently is a part of the residual effects of early childhood molestation. I have come a long way with my problem but am saddened to realize that this issue also gets transmitted to my children. However, I cannot do any more except to be available to my children when they need me. I have noticed, however, that I'm not necessarily availble to them as I want to run away from problems that resonate with me on a personal level and that I have no power to effect. It could be a lingering or residual consequence of my molestation or it could be that I understand that adult children frequently dismiss parental advice. Rather than revisit my own issue over and over again, I need to learn to help others without rehashing the event, the consequence to my lack of self confidence. I'm not famous like Jane; however, I, too, must move on and make a difference for women and others on the same journey of taking back ourselves and building our self esteem.

In the new position at this university, I finally feel that I can act with confidence and I do hope that feeling confident will grow as I continue to act with confidence on the development of myself as director.

I owe Ms Jane Fonda many thanks for speaking out about her life, for there are many of us who are on the same road--behind or in front of her--working toward wholeness in our physical and mental health. Let the scourge of child abuse abate or end--That's my prayer for today.


Sunday, April 03, 2005


LA Times Coverage of Pope's Passing and the Washington Post's Coverage:

I'm finding myself reflecting on my own life as this man's death is discussed and televised. Oftentimes such events can be a catalyst for reflection for growth, and the hope that we can improve our lives. I'll have to go back to early teachings which I now think are truer than many things I've learned about over the years. Basically doing good for others, developing and living out on a set of moral beliefs, and learning a kind of humility in life, but not one imposed on humans by people in power, can lead to the kind of inner peace that will draw us closer to our maker and ultimately lead us to greater happiness regardless of our life's circumstances.

After I arrived home from a brief outing, I found a wonderful email from Raul Sanchez who always trolls the web for news from or about Cuba. The latest related news about possible successors to John Paul II from the area of Latin America. So even while I try to stay chastely nonpolitical at this time, I am reminded that politics invades every space, including that of the institutions of religion. Of course, this has been a fact for centuries, and I often wonder how Jesus Christ would handle the church founded in his name.

While I want to focus on this topic, I must be off to work on handouts for Tuesday's classes. The semester grinds to an end and I have to be ready for all kinds of papers.

April 4, 2005, Raul once again sent an interesting news item concerning Cuba and the Il Papa's Passing. I've attached it here because I want to reflect on the spirit of change that seems to take place when a powerful (whether great person or small or great to those who know them) passes from the scene of the living.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

April 2 2005 - Pope's Passing

This week has been one of much news. For many days the news media has been mentioning the imminent death of John Paul II. While I see many of his pronouncements as detrimental to the very causes he espouses, he has been a strong and consistent voice for the Catholic Church during the past twenty-six years. So at 9:37 Italian time and 2:37 Eastern Standard Time, the pontiff passed and I pray that he meets with God.

Moments like these are the ones when I wish I had been able to retain some of my earlier blind faith. It seems that faith can provide people with comfort when they can not control much of their lives. In the end, how much more power do I really have? Am I better for my acquired education? I know the answer is "yes" but some how it feels like a "no." Perhaps this is because much of what I 'd hoped to accomlish in my life is not yet accomplished. However, I think the process of my life has taught and continues to teach me to continue even when I am uncertain of the outcomes of my actions. Listening to the news reporters talk about how John Paul would not contenence fear reminds me that he learned as I am learning that fear keeps us from doing whatever it is that God wants for our lives.

Because we are all so immersed in our own lives, I hadn't noticed in recent pictures of the pope just how frail he'd become. I remembered the young pope he started out as and how strong, attractive and personable he was. Then as the reporters catalogued all his ailments I can understand the reason they equated his suffering as a model for us to follow. I imagine he thought that he could endure suffering as Christ endured suffering. In fact, his suffering seems to have begun at an early age with the loss of the people he loved -- parents and siblings --by the age of 20. However the adage "if God gives you lemons, make lemonade" seems to have been something he understood. One of the reporters mentioned a John of the Cross who had written about the need to go through dark night in order to understand an appreciate the light at the end of the long dark night. The dark night of the soul is how the reporters mentioned it.

Even Cuba's Castro allowed coverage of Pope John Paul II's passing:

More later as I can't get the kinks out of this message.