Sunday, September 13, 2015

Attractions to People in Pain or Why do I Love Bad Boys--Or Are They So Bad?

I've been trying out a new blog (Word Press) and while it has many interesting things to offer I find Blogger easier to get into and see what I'm writing about.

Here is my last post from Word Press:

I was going to write some mealy mouth piece of attraction to "bad" boys. However, the bad boys I  am attracted to are folks like Freddie Mercury whose life highlights all the points that I've not dug for in other bad boys.

Freddie was sent to India far away from his home in Zanzibar, Tunisia on the African continent. He was creative, but shy. Unlike me. I'm outgoing but not particularly talented at the genius level that Freddie Mercury was.

My parents sent me to boarding schools in Up State New York. The school boarded girls only and for a long while my gregarious nature was confined to women only. I did well in school particularly music, choir, piano, history and geography.  We were taught the feminine arts of embroidery and other crafts, for we lived not far from the Victorian Era which still influenced us in the United States.

During the time that I was in boarding school, my parents separated and eventually divorced. Mom remarried but I had issues with the man she married. He was a molester.  My Mother's second marriage did not work out and she did not let me stay with my Dad so I could finish 8th grade with my other classmates. This was to be the beginning of a bohemian lifestyle-- moving around a lot. My Mom was hot a well educated person so she had no profession to support us in a prosperous manner. Therefore, things were tight for her and me.  But we managed. I never finished piano lessons because of her move from the East coast (New York) to  California.
I sensed sadness in pictures of Freddie Mercury both as a youngster in school  with people calling him Bucky because of his teath and a sense of abandonment that most of those of us who were sent away for our own good feel. How could it be good to be away from two loving people our parents? I felt the coming and going back to school acutely every Sunday when I was returned to the boarding school.
I also acclimated well because at weeks end I wasn't eager to return home unless it was to be with my father. After my parents divorce, I always felt strongly connected to my father.
At school Freddie learned piano but was able to keep it up as he did not go home too often. His aunt who lived in India helped him with tools for his artistic abilities. My own were negligible. But all thoughts of piano etc were left behind when I moved to California
The past is the past but having thought things through I can truthfully say that people who were hurt in childhood some how appeal to me and we make connections. For I too was hurt in more ways than can be described here.

Kindness is important as well as tenderness to those who've been hurt as children. It's a shame that we can't all reach out and heal one another but we can be kind and tender to those present in our lives.
I believe that some of us have the capacity to be kind to others regardless of our sense of  abandonment from the souls who should have loved us most. There is a verse in a Mercury song that I sing with feeling when I hear it: "Sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all." But the fact is we are born and we must live with our purposes. I know that Mercury always said he wanted to have fun. That if music stopped being fun he'd leave it. But as long as he produced the wonderful lyrics and melodies along with Brian May,  John Deacon, and Roger Taylor his purpose was assured.

Another thing we need to know is to stay away from people who depress us, lead us away from becoming whom we should be, or who make us feel inferior because in fact we are not. We need not hear criticism for who is to say we are wrong?

Letting go of the evil and developing some spiritual practice helps us to stay balanced.Most importantly it helps us to find the joy or "fun" in life. Being alone does not necessarily mean that we are unhappy. Sometimes on our own, we figure out who we are and what can make us find joy in living.
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