I've been trying out a new blog (Word Press) and while it has many interesting things to offer I find Blogger easier to get into and see what I'm writing about.
Here is my last post from Word Press:
I was going to write some mealy mouth piece of attraction to "bad"
boys. However, the bad boys I am attracted to are folks like Freddie
Mercury whose life highlights all the points that I've not dug for in
other bad boys.
Freddie was sent to India far away from his home
in Zanzibar, Tunisia on the African continent. He was creative, but shy.
Unlike me. I'm outgoing but not particularly talented at the genius
level that Freddie Mercury was.
My parents sent me to boarding
schools in Up State New York. The school boarded girls only and for a
long while my gregarious nature was confined to women only. I did well
in school particularly music, choir, piano, history and geography. We
were taught the feminine arts of embroidery and other crafts, for we
lived not far from the Victorian Era which still influenced us in the
During the time that I was in boarding school, my
parents separated and eventually divorced. Mom remarried but I had
issues with the man she married. He was a molester. My Mother's second
marriage did not work out and she did not let me stay with my Dad so I
could finish 8th grade with my other classmates. This was to be the
beginning of a bohemian lifestyle-- moving around a lot. My Mom was hot a
well educated person so she had no profession to support us in a
prosperous manner. Therefore, things were tight for her and me. But we
managed. I never finished piano lessons because of her move from the
East coast (New York) to California.
I sensed sadness in pictures
of Freddie Mercury both as a youngster in school with people calling
him Bucky because of his teath and a sense of abandonment that most of
those of us who were sent away for our own good feel. How could it be
good to be away from two loving people our parents? I felt the coming
and going back to school acutely every Sunday when I was returned to the
I also acclimated well because at weeks end I
wasn't eager to return home unless it was to be with my father. After my
parents divorce, I always felt strongly connected to my father.
school Freddie learned piano but was able to keep it up as he did not
go home too often. His aunt who lived in India helped him with tools for
his artistic abilities. My own were negligible. But all thoughts of
piano etc were left behind when I moved to California
The past is
the past but having thought things through I can truthfully say that
people who were hurt in childhood some how appeal to me and we make
connections. For I too was hurt in more ways than can be described here.
is important as well as tenderness to those who've been hurt as
children. It's a shame that we can't all reach out and heal one another
but we can be kind and tender to those present in our lives.
believe that some of us have the capacity to be kind to others
regardless of our sense of abandonment from the souls who should have
loved us most. There is a verse in a Mercury song that I sing with
feeling when I hear it: "Sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all."
But the fact is we are born and we must live with our purposes. I know
that Mercury always said he wanted to have fun. That if music stopped
being fun he'd leave it. But as long as he produced the wonderful lyrics
and melodies along with Brian May, John Deacon, and Roger Taylor his
purpose was assured.
Another thing we need to know is to stay away
from people who depress us, lead us away from becoming whom we should be, or who make us feel inferior because in fact we
are not. We need not hear criticism for who is to say we are wrong?
Letting go of the evil and developing some spiritual practice helps us to stay balanced.Most importantly it helps us to find the joy or "fun" in life. Being alone does not necessarily mean that we are unhappy. Sometimes on our own, we figure out who we are and what can make us find joy in living.